Welcome and Affirmation

SPEAKER_04 0:05

Good morning, lovelies. Thank you so much for tuning in today to the Authentic Heart Podcast.

SPEAKER_06 0:12

I am your host, Amber Westerman. And today I have such a treat for you, my beautiful friend Alison Tucker. I met her just over a year ago. She is a local singer-songwriter here in Austin, Texas, and has such a big, beautiful heart and just has had a really fascinating journey that has led her to a really cool spot as a musician and singer-songwriter today. I'm going to let her do the affirmation drawing today. Let's jump in. So something that I do at the beginning of every episode when I'm doing my solo introduction before I do the interview is I actually include doing an affirmation drawing to help set the tone for the next like week to two weeks until the next episode for people. If you want to draw an affirmation and we can kind of finish up.

SPEAKER_02 1:05

You know what Alexa told me this morning?

SPEAKER_06 1:07

What?

SPEAKER_02 1:08

She said, Allison, you're something that the universe is doing. I said, thanks.

SPEAKER_06 1:20

That's cool. I love that.

SPEAKER_02 1:22

Oh, these are your cards.

SPEAKER_06 1:24

These are lovely. This is your deal. So yeah, feel free to use.

SPEAKER_02 1:32

If you want to play poker and feel good about it. This is what you do.

SPEAKER_06 1:37

Share the love.

SPEAKER_02 1:38

That's right.

SPEAKER_06 1:39

I think that's what's so fun about these. I'm not even trying to like sell them with doing this. I just love these affirmations so much because they've helped me in my life. But I thought it was such a cool idea to make it a playing card deck for like when you have friends over and people like it's distracting. There's like two affirmations on each card, too. So whenever you draw it, what what it is is you draw a card and then it's whatever's face up is your affirmation.

SPEAKER_02 2:03

She has rules too. Yes. To the affirmation deck.

SPEAKER_06 2:06

I do. Okay. Do I get to shuffle? You get to shuffle, do what you want, and draw, draw the color.

SPEAKER_02 2:11

So what's the difference between I can see different colored print? What is that?

SPEAKER_06 2:15

So it's a different suits. And each suit has a different theme. So the hearts are loving connection. The diamonds are abundance and manifestation. The spade is strength and resilience. And the clover or at the uh club. Club is a four-leaf clover and it's growth and creativity. So those are the themes of the affirmation.

SPEAKER_02 2:38

So I want a club or a diamond. Call in a club. Well, you're gonna get whatever you get. Um calling a club or a diamond. I'm calling a club or a diamond.

SPEAKER_06 2:50

Look at that, you got your diamonds. How about that?

SPEAKER_02 2:53

An ace of diamonds. My faith transforms fear into love and scarcity into abundance. I'll do it. I'll read it one more time. This is ace of diamonds. My faith, my beliefs transform fear into love and scarcity into abundance. Perfect.

SPEAKER_06 3:17

There's that surrender. So perfect. I hope you guys take that affirmation with you over your next week or two and say it to yourself in moments where you need it in the hard times. Expect great things to happen. So I guess let's get started with. I would love for you to just like share who is Allison Tucker. You're such a dear friend to me, and you inspire me in so many ways. And that is one of the reasons why I wanted to have you as a guest on the podcast, because my goal with this podcast is to help inspire others in any way that I'm able to. And I know that you have a lot of golden little nuggets that you keep inside. And uh so tips from the tainted. Yeah. So Alison to start, I guess, is a singer-songwriter here in Austin. We met what, like um year ago, year and a half ago?

SPEAKER_02 4:17

Well, that seems like a lot longer than it seems like two years ago. It's only like 14 months ago.

SPEAKER_06 4:22

Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, we met at a uh the folk uh Swarfa Southwest folk regional folk alliance. Yes. And we just like I feel like we we clicked right away and have just stayed friends ever since and have connected on many levels, um, spiritually being one of the big ones, which I really love about our relationship. And so I would love, and I know that you like incorporate that into your art and just like your life, everything that you're doing right now. Can you just tell us

Who Is Alison Tucker

SPEAKER_06 4:55

a little bit about your story and what's led you to where you are today? I got a great story. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 5:01

Uh I am 61 years old and I have lived a long, crazy, wonderful life. I um was I was raised in West Texas, which is then start off with wonderful. Even though West Texas starts with a W and Wonderful, that that's not where the Wonderful sort of happened. Uh I moved to Austin.

SPEAKER_06 5:24

Uh what town was it in?

SPEAKER_02 5:27

Odessa.

SPEAKER_06 5:28

Odessa.

SPEAKER_02 5:29

Ah out there in the middle of nowhere. So um I moved to Austin. I played for a little while as a singer-songwriter. Uh oh, insecure and and tr and poor and starving. And uh when you were 18. This was when I was 18. It came out to my mom and dad, and they were uh shocked and horrified, and you know, probably blame that for me not having a really great money-making job, and why don't you get a real job? And uh life was good to me. I uh threw myself into uh a tech college, I got a degree, I got a job, it led to a 20-year career, and I met the love of my life. Uh we raised two children and fast forward 30 years later, um I'm divorced. And all of a sudden, all of these things that I had been doing or being, or for many other reasons than what I felt on the inside, maybe because that was what I was uh supposed to be, I uh was faced with an opportunity to become who I believed that I had always been intended to be. I promised the universe that I would be the best that I could possibly be with what I had to work with. And I began to play music again, and I got to I began to write and record, and my goodness, I I was running blind in a world that I loved like crazy, but I knew nothing about. And I believe that I lead a divinely guided life. I believe that the fact that I absolutely gave up completely what I um thought I should be, or how I was going to do it, or or all of the should be's. I came to a point where I was going to be what I was intended to be, not what anybody else thought I should be, or what my inside voice scolded me into thinking I should be. And the universe began to smile on me and bring people into my life that would lead me and help me and guide me and tell me, my goodness. Uh, you know, I was I was at a I was in 20, 20, whatever year it was, like way there, and and I was wondering how I was going to record music. My God, or get a gig. You know, the last time I was doing this, I was like passing out cassette tapes at bars, you know, that's how you got a gig or demo tape. You know, I don't know. And I was and and and I didn't I didn't even know I didn't know anything about the digital studios. I didn't know, I didn't know. And somehow people came into my life that it wasn't like the universe was drawing pennies from heaven. The last two and a half years of my life, it looks like that there have been dollars from heaven every time I turn around and I don't know what to do next. Um there is someone that the universe brings into my path that changes my direction or answers the questions that I've had. We did this. This is how we met. We met at that uh folk conference and and we were both uh insecure, you know, we hadn't been to the folk conference together and all that stuff.

SPEAKER_06 9:26

How long have you been uh like writing and like jumping into the music side of yourself again from the point of what I'm gonna do?

SPEAKER_02 9:34

I had one song recorded. I had not been, I had not had a gig yet. Okay. I had not had a gig yet. Okay. I let wait, let's see. So that was kind of your No, I'd had one gig, one house concert. I had found a recording studio. I've found uh this woman had offered to Mandy Brown had offered to produce my songs. I had like four songs, that's all I knew I was gonna put, you know.

SPEAKER_01 9:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:59

And I was in a kind of a garage shop studio, and and then I went to Swarfa.

SPEAKER_05 10:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:08

And I mean I I had had one gig since I picked up my guitar, maybe. That's awesome.

SPEAKER_06 10:15

That's really cool. It's been really beautiful to watch you grow over the last 15 months.

SPEAKER_02 10:21

It's been really fast. It's been a great, it's been my favorite carnival rod. I love it. I was the kid that always would say, Amber, let's go to the carnival. Let's go to the carnival. Oh, how long are we gonna be there? Oh, I don't know. You know what? Just stay till you throw up.

SPEAKER_06 10:38

Oh man. Yeah. Or get a gnat in your eye. I got I'm so traumatized by carnival rides. I got a gnat stuck in my under my eyelid, and I had to like go to the eye doctor and have him take it out.

SPEAKER_02 10:50

While you were on a ride? While I was on a flu in your gnat. Well, that would be like a small BB, of course.

SPEAKER_06 10:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:57

You know, if he was flying toward you and you were moving toward him, would have been like getting shot in the eye with a B.

SPEAKER_06 11:03

Right. That's what it's what it felt like. And it was like a few days that I had to deal with that thing. It was like apparently they have a shell on their back, and the shell got like suction cupped to my eyelid. Isn't that crazy? And I've been traumatized ever since. I'll still do rights.

SPEAKER_02 11:19

Neck BB. Neck BB.

SPEAKER_06 11:21

Crazy.

SPEAKER_02 11:22

That is funny.

SPEAKER_06 11:23

Anyways, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:25

So uh the universe is good to me.

SPEAKER_05 11:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:31

Every time that I start trying to uh step in and decide, well, this would probably be the next best thing for me to it almost comes to a halt. Yeah. And when I give in to that, uh I uh now I now it comes so quietly and so softly, I go, oh, guess I'm supposed to be doing this. This is really hard. Right. And like in the in the next few days, you know, the opportunity of another direction, you know, comes. Uh I'll tell you a sad story. Well, it was sad. Um it might be sad to me. Um, so uh I've been divorced five and a half years, and uh have been on this crazy wonderful music path, and it's thrilling and exciting, and and my children are growing up, they're in college, and we're learning to be adults together, and um, but the holidays are hard, you know. Am I uh celebrating my freedom or am I lonely? And around the holidays, it's not about freedom, it's about lonely. And so I was kind of uh when when you're when you're single around the holidays, um, you know, it I realize it. I am very responsible for taking care of myself, and that means I need to plan together for my holidays. I need to do what to do, you know. I mean, I have this, this is what you should do, Alison. Right. And so I start planning, right? And and and oh, I need and I I can find this place

Surrender Versus Forcing Outcomes

SPEAKER_02 13:05

that I really I only go to places that I really want to go, and I don't like being a third wheel. So there's all these stipulations in my head too. And I was trying to get to this one place for uh New Year's Eve. It was just kind of a a week-long thing around New Year's Eve, and and I was pushing it and pushing it and pushing it and pushing it, and I was like, come on, need some help here, you know, pushing it, pushing it, and um that little quiet voice came to me and went, you know, maybe that's not what you it's kind of hard to do, you know. Is it making you feel really good about it and welcome and excited, or does it feel like something's, you know, biting your ass? And uh I let go of it. I was like, nah, call my friends. I said, I can't do it, right? I got a paperless post from a friend out of New York City the next day that said, get your ass to New York City and I'll take care of the rest. Stay for Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve. Just please come. And it was it's amazing.

SPEAKER_06 14:13

It's amazing. I love that. I feel like the same thing. I mean, I mean, the same thing happens, I feel like, to anyone that decides to trust in the divine and surrender to whatever's happening. And I'm it's like really, that story is really hitting hard for me right now because I've been, I know this will, this episode will release um after uh all of this has happened. So I'm really actually interested to see what happens after talking about this right now. But I've been feeling this way with booking a release show for my single coming out in January. And I've been having a really hard time because it's kind of it's a little more last minute than I wanted it to be. And the holidays have like interfered with responses and people being at their computers, you know, and the places that I've been wanting that are responding already booked on my night. And it's been a challenge. And I've been feel like I've been pushing it and I've been feeling that like yesterday. I was just like, please like give me some sort of a sign of what to do. And um, a dear friend of mine connected me with a booking agent that is uh that I was chat, I decided to reach out to last night, and he's gonna try to help me get a really good gig somewhere for my first full van show, which I'm really excited for. But I'm feeling that way. I like feel guilty because my band, I've like asked them to like like keep in mind this day or these two days. Um, and it's like I feel this pressure, like I need to get this book, like I want to get them paid and have the work for them and just be able to celebrate my release. And I'm like, why is this so dang difficult? And I just need to let go. That's what it's reminding me is I just need to like let go and I don't know.

unknown 15:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:01

Will a square hole will a square peg fit in a round hole? Yes, if you if the hammer is big enough, right? Absolutely, I can make anything. Handy yellow comes up. I can crack, you know, and I will continue to try until I I hit my hand with it, you know, or missed. Yeah. Maybe I'll continue to hit it after that, but um yeah, it's hard and it's always so quiet. It is, you know, the voice in my head that I should listen to is always very quiet.

SPEAKER_06 16:38

And we have to take the time out of our crazy busy lives to be still with it and to hear it, otherwise it won't, it won't be heard. And that's what I was telling you about earlier before uh when Allison first got here. I was talking to you about my morning pages that I've started doing. And that's how through sitting with the morning pages, if you've never heard of the artist way, go check it out. It's incredible for unleashing creativity, for helping you figure out how to make difficult choices in your life and so on. And through that is literally just sitting with yourself and analyzing your thoughts, right? Every morning for like a good 30 minutes. And through that, it helped me realize that the right choice in my life in this moment is to let go of my team, which I did. And um it's the same thing. And then a miracle happened the day I did it. That's right. Connected God connected me with uh my next producer that I'm stoked for, and he's a good friend, so yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:47

It does, you know. Sometimes there's no, not even sometimes. I would say almost always there is a nod when you finally get it right. You know, it may not be a big oh, you know, whatever, but it is a nod. There's always a nod that comes and goes, Yep, you got it.

SPEAKER_06 18:07

Yep, yes, I was talking to you. And it's very clear, it's very clear. Yeah. That's that's amazing. So I I have a question for you with um this topic. What whenever you start feeling like you're just like hammering the square into the circle, um, how do you stop yourself? Or how do you what what do you do to help you recenter yourself and to find that place of surrender? Because sometimes, sometimes it's really freaking hard. And sometimes you let it drag, or at least I know I do, and I know a lot of people I know do. You let it drag on and drag on until it like eats you alive with a surrender.

SPEAKER_02 18:55

That's a great question because uh I feel like I have been practicing from the moment that I promised I would become what I was intended to be. You know, it started at at darkness though. I was coming out of a divorce, I was experiencing loss. Um, I mean, that the that year was not only not only divor divorce, and my daughter went to college and I left my family home, and you know, there was custody, but my father died, my cat died, my mother became I became a primary caregiver for my mother. Um, it was just like uh hellfire. It was coming in, and so um I'm it therapy is a fabulous thing. This is my disclaimer. Can you tell that I'm saying it? Therapy is a wonderful thing and it helps lots and lots of people. And I completely believe I believe in therapy, like I believe in the 12-step program. I believe it works. If you work it, then it works for certain people. Um, I am not it depends on the therapist. Oh, yeah. But you know, it's a it's a partnership. Yeah. So I have done a lot of searching for I'm obsessive compulsive, so routines or or rituals or things like that are things that I seek out when I am in turmoil. Let's call it turmoil. When I'm when I can't get it to work out right, when I'm beating the square pig in the round hole. Um, I went back to

Morning Pages And Rituals That Help

SPEAKER_02 20:30

the artist's way. Uh I've tried many things, but the artist's way and the morning pages were fantastic. And I kind of melded the morning pages into another thing that I heard somewhere where um I wake up with a to-do list coming out of my head. Do you sometimes? I feel like I constantly have a to-do list. Yes, right, right. It never goes away. So I I heard this thing that was like um uh so I I was going to do the artist's way and uh uh go misdirected. Anyway, I got this big spiral notebook that was lying by my bed, and then I heard someone else say, you know, just dump on the pages. So these were called my dump pages, not my morning pages. That's the same thing though. So well, sometimes people dump in the morning, and uh so I did. But what I did was I dumped all the stuff to do, to do, to do, or uh, I'm worried about this, or why why did that happen last night? Or maybe I should make up for book. I wake up like that, yeah, going a thousand miles an hour. And so I got one of those big O spiral notebooks, you know, like five subjects that never get filled. Oh my gosh. I dumped into that thing until I I was no longer, my mind was not spinning with my to-do list.

SPEAKER_05 21:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:51

And uh I filled two of them before it worked. But that worked for me, and I didn't consciously decide one day, uh Not I probably didn't feel too one and a half because I didn't reach the end of the book and go, oh okay, I'm done. It was just one of those things where it goes, This worked for you, didn't it?

SPEAKER_06 22:11

And I stopped. What do you mean by though it took two before it worked for you?

SPEAKER_02 22:16

Um I just continued to do it until I felt like that there was a calming effect that I could count on it. And I got the c I would wake without your that list and that hairy carrying and all that stuff. So you know, that just went to the side.

SPEAKER_06 22:36

So it was not something I love that it's so powerful. I mean, and that's exactly what I forget uh her name, Cameron, I think it's the last name, the author of the artist pages. That's exactly what she calls or says the morning pages. It's just a brain dump. Yeah. You just dump it, you're not judging. And even if she's like, even if you don't know what try, right? I don't know what try, I don't know what try, I don't know what try unl until something comes up. And the goal is to just get it all out so that you can like have room for creativity, you can have room for noticing the things in your life that matters. Do you feel so you did that? That's interesting. You did that like right after your divorce, is what you said. Um is that what I thought?

SPEAKER_02 23:18

Like in the last couple of years, as I've started to get creative and yeah, you know, as it started to after the carnival ride began.

SPEAKER_05 23:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:27

You know, I had a grief period when I when I divorced uh and and it was a long time before the divorce was final. So, you know, there was grieving because we split. There was grieving because we were fighting over the divorce. There was grieving after it was signed. You would think it was like uh ding dong uh no what's that one? Uh ding dong ditch. Yeah. Now you see me, now you don't. Yeah. Uh or um It's a whole process. So there was a whole lot. So I would say that I well, I know exactly what happened. I read uh Rhonda Oh Shonda Rhymes. I'm dyslexic, can you tell? Shonda Rhymes. Uh uh A Year of Yes. And I adopted the theory that if I don't have a really good reason to say no, then I need to say yes. And it challenged all of my um like I am an introvert that uh uh presents as an extrovert. Yeah we we're performers, we have to.

SPEAKER_05 24:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:31

And um I uh I was home for almost eight months after I left my family home after my divorce. And uh so getting out through the front door was a big deal, but that was the first one, a year of yes by Shonda Rhimes. I committed to 365 days of that. One of my friends asked me, like in June, she goes, Hey, your uh year of yes is about because I told everybody that. I'm only saying this because I have to. And um, one of my friends says, Oh my gosh, your year of yes is almost over. Are you gonna do it next year? I goes, hell no. Yeah, hell no. It was a lot, yeah. But I found another book, uh The Mountain is You by Brianna Weist.

SPEAKER_06 25:17

And The Mountain is you.

SPEAKER_02 25:18

The mountain is you. It's uh it's a it addresses overthinking. It addresses uh nobody thinks about you as much as you do. Um you know, yeah. Uh 101 essays to change the way you think. I've heard that one. Um I used to spin that one on uh Spotify.

Books, Tools, And Saying Yes

SPEAKER_02 25:40

I'd spin the chapters like a slot machine uh wheel.

SPEAKER_05 25:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:45

And whatever chapter it landed on, I would play the audio chapter of that book for that more for morning. That was one of my morning things.

SPEAKER_06 25:52

I love that.

SPEAKER_02 25:54

Just go.

SPEAKER_06 25:56

I love that. I used to kind of do that with a book by Gabrielle Bernstein. Are you familiar with Gabby? Um, she had been, I feel like, a big spiritual guide for me since my since I was like 20. And she has a book called Miracles Now. And the way she says to use it is like it's it's all these little mini chapters of different uh like mindful and wellness tools and like affirmations and stuff. And she says you hold the book and you like ask it a question, like say a prayer of sorts, and then you just open it, and whatever page it falls to is your answer. And that I've made big choices based on those answers. And it's got guided me to beautiful things.

SPEAKER_02 26:41

So these all different kinds of things, you know. Yeah, but but um yeah, I so I don't think that there's one answer that about what stops me from knocking that square hole into that square back into the round hole. You know, I can see the corners just shaving off as I beat it into the into submission. Um it's a great, it's a great analogy. Yeah, it really is. I beat myself into submission almost my entire life.

SPEAKER_05 27:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:15

You know, um and I'm just not anymore. And the universe is being good to me. Because that because of that. I believe it's because of that.

SPEAKER_06 27:28

Yeah. Well, maybe it's partly, I feel like partly is like asking for asking for that release, right? Like almost like a prayer of sorts.

SPEAKER_02 27:38

I think it's a reminder. I think that the universe goes, I'm just gonna sit but I think that the universe laughs at me a lot. Well, of course, sitting there sitting there going, uh it's in a good way though. Yeah, if you you want another hand.

SPEAKER_06 27:55

Like you want to play this game or another?

SPEAKER_02 27:57

You know, you need uh some music with that.

SPEAKER_06 28:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:01

Um so I think that the universe laughs at me a lot. I don't think that uh we don't have a really turnaround and ass kind of relationship. It's she sits around and waits until I remember that she's there. And because I think that I'm doing this all on my own, and I'm doing such a great job, and it's great effort, and I know where I'm going, and you know, and she laughs. She laughs at me all the time. And and I fall on my face, and I get mad, I go, what happened? She goes, uh told you so.

SPEAKER_06 28:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:44

It's the thing that was meant to happen to get you to where I have to be still, I have to be still to know what is next. And something happens, something falls in my lap that is just obscure. And I go, okay. And here we go again on another adventure that oh my gosh, you know, you came back in my life. We had that weekend at a Middle Fiskville Road, because everybody from Austin knows where Middle Fiskville Road is. Middle Fiskville Road, and um, and then I was running into all kinds of things uh individually that I I didn't know I needed. I needed live videos. And I was like, live videos.

SPEAKER_06 29:32

I just had one on the on your website that we do.

SPEAKER_02 29:36

I don't even like to look. I don't like pictures of myself. How am I gonna do live videos? I mean, you know, it's that kind of stuff. And uh I came back from Montreal in January, and you go, we still shooting on Monday. And I was like, Oh, I am. I mean, you you taught me and gave me so many things just out of the clear blue sky. Like I didn't sit down and ask the universe, you know, oh my god, help me out on this. I was like, I don't know what.

SPEAKER_06 30:04

Well, that's that's what I'm saying, though. That's the question. Like that's the prayer. It's like it's like show me what I need.

SPEAKER_02 30:11

Or or or or I can't I can't do this.

SPEAKER_06 30:14

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 30:16

That's it. I I don't ask them what I need, I go, I can't do this.

unknown 30:21

Right.

SPEAKER_02 30:21

But I usually it sounds like I'm quitting. It doesn't actually act like actually actually sound like a prayer. Yeah, you know, but I think that uh she takes it as a prayer from me, you know. I go, I can't do this.

SPEAKER_06 30:34

Right. I love it. That's what that's what I do too.

SPEAKER_02 30:38

That wasn't exactly the way they taught me to pray in the Southern Baptist Church. I damn it, I can't do this. I can't do this. Right. That's not exactly yeah, but it works.

SPEAKER_06 30:50

Yeah, it works, it really does. I I definitely feel the same. And I I was so it made me it made my heart so happy whenever that happened because I knew when you told me that like uh when we started doing the videos together and stuff, and I was like, hey, I have all this gear, and I like if you can help me out, I want to help you out too. And I knew I could see it in your eyes that like, whoa, what is this little miracle unfolding? And it was, it was. It made my heart so happy to be a part of a little miracle for you.

SPEAKER_02 31:23

You are a miracle.

SPEAKER_06 31:24

I love it, and you're a miracle for me too. You've helped me. I hope so too. Yeah, I love your friendship.

Art As Memoir: First Album

SPEAKER_06 31:30

Yeah. So I want to talk also a little bit about your music because your music has been such a it's kind of like expressing this journey that you've been on too, right? And you just released an album last summer, your first album. And you and six months ago. Yeah, it's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 31:52

Six months ago. Um, my album was called Where You Used to Be. And it probably wasn't until I finished the artwork for the front of it that I realized that that album had actually turned out to be uh memoir in song. It could have been called Where I Used to Be. Um all of the tracks, all of the tracks are personal uh uh confessions or or uh secrets. Uh I'm a very private person. I was gonna say in general, but I am a very private person. I don't generally speak about uh trouble or woes or uh I like to talk about how excited I am about things that are happening that are really good. And uh so I kind of omit the stuff that is uh traumatic. But I realized that a lot of the loss that I experienced came out on that album and my recovery. And uh the last track on the album is actually a love song, and I had this horrible confession that it had been decades since I had written a love song. And I thought, how and I did not even think about that when we put the album order together, you know, we chose it, and um yeah, there's a whole lot of uh, you know, the songs stretch over many years. Uh I wrote them over many years, but it's about love and loss and getting better and uh it's okay to feel like this, and and uh and you know it was really cool that the last song is about uh is a love story. It it's uh an old couple at a carnival. How about that? At a carnival.

SPEAKER_06 33:43

I love it, yeah. I love it. I really loved, I remember you showed me the uh video that you made to submit to Wave Makers, right? Oh yeah. And that was so beautiful, you know. Yes, yeah, the supposed to, the supposed to's, right?

SPEAKER_02 34:02

Yeah, it was yeah. I I grew up with people telling me what I was supposed to do. All my love.

SPEAKER_06 34:08

And I, you know, that video inspired me so much. So much about you inspires me because I love one of the things that I thought was really cool about it that probably made you stand apart. So she won this grant to help her music career.

SPEAKER_02 34:23

It was for women for the release of that album. Yeah, for the last time.

SPEAKER_06 34:28

And uh I think one of probably the biggest thing that made you stand apart in that is you didn't just tell your story and why you deserved it, you did it in such a beautiful artistic way. Like the whole video is poetic. And I feel like you like that's who you are. It's naturally who you are on stage, in person. You always find a way to make art out of words when you're storytelling.

SPEAKER_02 34:56

Thank you.

SPEAKER_06 34:56

And like it's just it's really inspiring to me. So thank you.

SPEAKER_02 35:00

Yeah, I am. I uh finally uh I didn't know. I I guess I'm a ballad writer. Yeah, I'm a story writer, that's for sure.

SPEAKER_06 35:07

You're a great storyteller, yeah. And it inspires me to do better in my own, or not better, but to be more artistic in my own.

SPEAKER_02 35:16

Oh, I think you're very artistic.

SPEAKER_06 35:18

Because thank you. Yeah, but because life is art and life is more fun and interesting when there's art involved. It's like the thing that, like, you know, gets gets us uh a tentative, I guess.

SPEAKER_02 35:35

I love that. I love that. In my head, I just go life is art and I am green.

SPEAKER_06 35:40

Yeah. And I am green if I if I water my roots.

SPEAKER_02 35:46

Always, always to all different ways to grow. Yeah. All different growth. I water my roots not too much either. Beautiful flowers and beautiful gardens.

SPEAKER_06 35:56

You know, I just wrote a song recently with my friend Scott in Hawaii that we write with. And it's we wrote it as like a bit of an it was kind of an affirmation of a song for me. Um, it's called uh Long Time Coming, and the like hook is it's been a long time coming, and it's about creativity, and it's about like getting out of writer's block and feeling like you're free again, and you can just like explore creativity and things are pouring out of you. And it we talked about that of just like the the watering of the roots and the blooming, I think blooming in your heart is one of the lyrics, and it's a really cool song. I'll have to share it with you sometimes.

SPEAKER_02 36:32

Uh-huh. You're gonna grab your guitar and play it in just a minute.

SPEAKER_06 36:35

Yeah, we could each play a song if you want to. Oh well, we could I would let I mean I just plan on having you one of your songs. Oh, that's funny. That could be really fun.

SPEAKER_02 36:44

I'm I think that's great, and you need to play that one.

SPEAKER_06 36:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:47

I have started working on my second album already.

SPEAKER_06 36:50

Do you have any idea of like when you plan to release it?

SPEAKER_02 36:54

Uh no, but uh I am religiously showing up in the studio and writing and you know, turning out some, you know, one of the songs on the new album is gonna be one that we wrote together. Yeah. One that we wrote to call the called the Great Divide. We've been so excited. We've been listening to the last mix and going, yes, no, yes, no, more of this, less of this. Yeah. And uh uh, you know, uh we live in a politically charged country now, and um I am not an angry uh protester. I am a person who believes in uh peace and kindness, and I I I that does not mean that I do not see atrocities, does not mean that I do not, you know, feel atrocities. It means that I believe that in order to get through this craziness that it ultimately is going to take efforts from both sides. And it has to do with love and kindness and doing it together. Nobody's gonna win as long as we're fighting each other. 100% um uh surprise what I'm really surprised. It was not intentional, but the three songs that I have recorded for this album uh address that and address peace.

SPEAKER_06 38:16

And so is this kind of gonna be the theme?

SPEAKER_02 38:18

I uh did did not know. I mean, like I didn't know that uh it was gonna my first album was gonna end up being a memoir, you know, about my life. I'm probably the least political person you could run into in Austin, Texas, that's for sure.

SPEAKER_06 38:33

We've had a little technical difficulties with the camera, and so we don't know what all just happened, but you know what? It's okay because this is we're gonna make it up and this is exactly what we've been talking about. Yeah. This is exactly what we've been talking about. Are you worried about it? There is so I'm not worried about it because the right things will be said, and we don't know how long we were just chatting and it wasn't even a recording.

SPEAKER_02 38:55

This video is gonna this I shouldn't say I'm gonna say this anyway. Okay, uh this video is gonna turn out like uh two people that are really, really high. They're gonna go what did you do? What did you just say? I don't know what what was I saying? Uh I said something about my uh album being political. Maybe that's when it turned off. That would be a really good time to edit that out.

SPEAKER_06 39:18

That would. But also not could have been one of those moments.

SPEAKER_02 39:26

I believe it happens to me all the time. Yeah. You know, I used to tell uh my mother that that that's why uh my phone would disconnect while I was talking to her.

SPEAKER_06 39:35

I can't hear you when I'm like my friend Missy that I was with last week in Nashville was doing that to her daughter.

SPEAKER_03 39:41

She was trying to I can't hear you.

SPEAKER_02 39:47

It's so funny. Yeah. So um we still do that.

SPEAKER_06 39:51

That's one of the things that I feel like I have to constantly remind myself of when the universe hangs up on you. Yeah. Is that I wasn't supposed to do that. Yeah. Yeah. It's maybe it's a blessing. Maybe maybe uh the fact that you were running late protected you from a car accident. Or, you know, like there's I believe all of that. Same. There's always a reason for and maybe there's a reason for why we're having our tech issues. I believe all of that. Yeah. And I feel like that's the one of the most beautiful ways you can take on life's journey, right? Is being okay with whatever unfolds. And it's pretty tough. It's so hard lesson. I mean, and it's a hard lesson. There's always gonna be times where you like get wrapped up and get emotional, right? It still is just a beautiful thing to know that it's all unfolding and like have that comfort of knowing that we're not alone.

SPEAKER_02 40:42

Because we never really truly there's some there is just some validity in things working out better when you let go of the control. Yeah, you can see that it sounds like a croc. It sounds like a croc, especially if things are going really, really bad. You know, I can't like all right now, what do you mean? Um, it does sound like a croc, but there's a lot of validity to it.

SPEAKER_06 41:10

Yeah. Well, and when things are going really bad, so I actually talked about this on one of my previous episodes with uh my sister-in-law, is something that I was told a while ago, I'll share it again, that this is reminding me of. So whenever I first moved into the city into Austin, uh probably when I was like 19-ish, 20, I only lived here for like six months. And that was when I was first introduced to a Course in Miracles. Have you heard of it? Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah. Okay, I had I couldn't remember if we've talked about it or not. No, I but I love it. I love the Course in Miracles. And back then. Yeah, uh, no, but she teaches, she is a teacher of the Course in Miracles, uh, but she's not who wrote it. But anyway, so I went to a study group here at a Unity Church back then, and because I was just getting really into it, and it's so dense, and I thought it was really cool how like you could be in a sit in this room full of there was like 15 people in there every time, and we would go over like section by section, and it was amazing because each section, everybody would pick something different out of it. Like, what does

Authenticity As A Lifelong Quest

SPEAKER_06 42:20

this mean?

SPEAKER_02 42:20

And it's tiny section out of a paragraph 15 people would choose something different. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 42:25

Oh, and it's like amazing how we put our own lives into the teachings, and it's like a book on spiritual teachings. And uh, I just thought that that was amazing. And then through one of those study groups, uh, circling back around to this, one of the things that one of this random guy said, I have no idea who it was, but it stuck with me my entire adulthood was he was like, God is like a GPS. And we all are in a start wherever our our little spot is that we're at currently, right? Our current location. Blue tool. And there's a destination that we're all trying to get to. Okay. And the path getting there is gonna be different for all of us. Sometimes there's gonna be construction, there's gonna be a detour, it's gonna take us down a road that might be a little bumpy. And sometimes we take a wrong turn. And that wrong turn might lead to another wrong turn and then another wrong turn. But we're always gonna be, it's always gonna reroute us no matter what, to our final destination. And so it's our choice if we want to listen to the obstacles, if we want to listen to the wrong turns and surrender and just follow the GPS or try to find our own background that might be a shortcut that actually turns into long, longer drive, you know. I just thought that was such a beautiful visual.

SPEAKER_02 43:50

It's a great analogy about people too because uh my my GPS is always silent.

SPEAKER_05 43:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:58

Do not let it speak to me. I don't either. Yeah. And uh which means that if I'm not familiar w with where I'm going and life comes etch fast, uh, you know, nine times out of ten, I'm gonna go the wrong way. You know, because I'm not looking at that. I'm not paying attention. Right. That's a great analogy.

SPEAKER_06 44:20

Yeah, yeah, it's it's really stuck with me.

SPEAKER_02 44:23

So it's a great analogy. I thought it would be cool to share.

SPEAKER_06 44:25

But yeah, so this is really exciting that you're working on your next album, and so far it's turning out to be a political conversation, but you're not really is uh that's really funny.

SPEAKER_02 44:39

I mean, we wrote a song called The Great Divide, yeah, you know, and it addresses uh the the the crap the crevice and the canyons that are occurring between people that love each other over stupid shit. Yeah. Um, you know, it's it addresses the the absence and the longing for that uh vastness to go away. So is that political? Well, it's caused in our pol a lot of it is because of our political climate, but I don't think that it marches down the blue or the red road.

SPEAKER_05 45:18

No, it doesn't.

SPEAKER_02 45:19

Our song is not uh like that. It's just addresses very a big sadness that we're experiencing right now in this.

SPEAKER_05 45:29

We've been experiencing for years now.

SPEAKER_02 45:32

It's just coming to a big uh forefront.

SPEAKER_05 45:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 45:36

Yeah. People are sacrificing and excising people from others from their life like tumors in the name of boundaries.

SPEAKER_06 45:48

Mm-hmm. For their belief systems and uh things that they're fighting for. You know, I think a lot of it is like earlier we were talking about, uh, and I I could be wrong, but this is my my assumption with it all is we are trained in America to be in this like busy, must-be financially successful mindset if we aren't doing work and making money and providing for a family and da-da-da, you know, like then we're not we're we're doing something wrong, we're not achieving. And it's such a busy go-go society that we get so wrapped up in our minds and we're so not aware of even sometimes the thoughts that we're having, and we aren't we're we're so picture forward that a lot of people in America, I feel like, don't know how to look inward and analyze inward all of the traumas that we've faced in our childhood, growing up, in our adulthood. And we carry that trauma in such a deep place in our hearts that it's just sitting there in agony because it hasn't been able to be heard or seen or released. It's like the inner child that just wants to go outside and play, and we've been locking her away. And so whenever we can find some sort of drama to latch that energy onto, we we run for it because it's a way to express that energy without having to face our own shit. And that that's what I see in it all is it's just wow.

SPEAKER_02 47:41

That's pretty deep. That explains uh that that indicates that there may be a lot of people that run from what they need to face. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 47:53

Exactly. There, oh, there totally is. I mean, and I'm not perfect. I'm sure there like there's still stuff I haven't been willing to see in my own self. I am. Right, yeah. So we're all on this journey, but I think that uh there's there's a lot of people out there. I know that I was that way. I was I had everything tucked down in my teens uh that I had faced. And I I had no idea who I was. I had no idea that my thoughts were not me. Like that wasn't even a concept that you could say to me, and I would be like, I think you're crazy. Like I like I just you know what I mean. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 48:35

But so uh authentic. I love that uh this is called authentic heart. I really like that. Um, I was so touched that you asked me uh to be your guest on authentic heart because uh authentic is one of those words that sits really sweetly with me. Um it's a quest. It's a quest.

SPEAKER_06 49:02

It's not not an easy one.

SPEAKER_02 49:04

It's not an arrival point. And um, I love that.

SPEAKER_06 49:10

That's really good. It's yeah, it's a journey.

SPEAKER_02 49:13

It's not an arrival, you know, it's not the destination, it's not uh continuous journey. Yeah, I can't see the end. Uh I know it's hard to tell, but I'm not a sport sporty person. Not an athletic person. Um the reason I said that is because the destination. If I can see the end of the race because uh, you know, I was forced into running because oh my gosh, you know, that was what they did to us when we were children, we had to run. Uh I just kind of flopped. I don't know what it's called. But if I saw the end of the race, I it slowed down. So I think that uh, you know, this is a this is an adventure and a quest. It's not uh where yeah, I can't see the finish line. I don't know how the answer's gonna turn out. I don't know what the next answer is that's coming. So um but I'd like to think that the it's about being authentic. It's about admitting when I don't know, I don't know. That was a freedom that I gave myself as well in the last five years. You know, there's no shame and I don't know. It's okay to not know. Well, and it's okay to say it. And uh what was what were you thinking? I don't know. And I don't know what anyone else is thinking either.

SPEAKER_01 50:40

Right.

SPEAKER_02 50:40

You know, I just don't know. Well, what was she what what did why did she do? I don't know, and I don't make it up in my head anymore. And makes me right here. I have to stay right here. Can't read your mind, I don't know what's coming next, and I can't see the finish line.

SPEAKER_06 51:04

I'm not stagnant, and we're gonna be constantly fighting until we come into terms with that.

SPEAKER_02 51:09

Yeah, I'm not stagnant, I'm moving, I'm going, and and if I remember to listen to the quiet voice of the other 300 that are in my head, yeah, I end up going the right way for today. Tomorrow it might be another dress.

SPEAKER_06 51:26

Tomorrow might change, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 51:27

I'm ready.

SPEAKER_06 51:29

Yeah, and and that'll be okay. That's beautiful. Thanks for touching on that though. That is why I invited you as a guest. Uh, I have for this like first season of my podcast, I have invited all of the people in my life. Uh, maybe not all of them, but the people who are most close to me right now that I feel like embody authenticity every day in their lives and are willing to do the work and are willing to be vulnerable and uh share like the work that they've been going through and doing, because my end goal with everything that I do in life is I want to help people find their own authenticity and uh sit more deeply into their own authenticity because that was a long journey that I went on and am still on, and is the most beautiful, fun journey I've ever taken. And intentionally authentic. Yeah. Yeah. And I feel like the more authentic, the more people are willing to open up to their own authenticity, the less fighting, you know, the less uh resenting others who might have different beliefs. And just the more peace and beauty that we're gonna see because it's in it's in the now, it's in the authenticity, it's in the willingness to go through the darkness that the next chapter is gonna unfold in a beautiful way, that we're gonna be willing to see it. Because that's the thing is like I feel like the universe is always throwing out things at us that are helping us navigate back onto the right path. But it's are we willing to see it? Are we looking for it?

SPEAKER_02 53:38

I love you like Chris.

SPEAKER_06 53:40

I love you too. I guess to end the episode, would you want to share some music? We can. I don't know. We can, you wanna talk about your song. Yeah, and I would love for you to play one of your songs too. Maybe the maybe the great divide.

SPEAKER_02 53:53

We could do the great divide.

The Great Divide Live Performance

SPEAKER_06 53:54

I mean, start marketing for your next album. Yeah. It's our song.

SPEAKER_02 54:24

We drank at the pub on Tuesday. Your kid's middle name is Can we get back? Can we get back? Can we get past our own defenses? Why don't you pull down your phone? Don't you diss me with busy? We used to laugh on the porch for hours. I loved you before he took out. Can we get back? Can we get back?

SPEAKER_03 55:52

Can we get past our own defenses?

SPEAKER_02 56:05

I'll hold the anger you dismiss without regard. Time passes as another sunset song.

SPEAKER_03 56:19

Our gray divide.

SPEAKER_02 56:26

Can we get back? Can we get back? Can we get past our own defenses? Can we get back? Oh, can we get back?

SPEAKER_03 56:54

Can we get past our own defenses?

SPEAKER_02 57:05

Can we get we wrote a great song? That's a great one. We wrote a great song. I love it. I love it.

SPEAKER_06 57:18

Thanks for sharing it. Thank you for having me today. I'm so

Long Time Coming Live Performance

SPEAKER_06 57:21

grateful to have you. Yeah. It's been a delight, even though we've had our issues. So are you. You are a delight. You want to hear my uh creativity song? All right, so this is called Long Time Coming.

SPEAKER_02 57:33

Long time.

SPEAKER_07 57:45

It's been a long time coming, but I feel it flowing again. It's been a long time coming. Such a long time, my friend. Feel that river rushing round my feet, the water running cool and clean. I think I found a voice that sounds like a long lost friend. Flowers blooming from my heart bursting out like colorful stars. Banks are rich with birds and bees singing the same song as me. It's been a long time coming, but I feel it growing again. It's been a long time coming. Are stretching reaching, roaming around, filling up with new ideas, new words and melodies are scattered in my skies like pollen flying high. I'm soaking it all in with the sunshine, it's been a long time coming, but I feel it glowing again. It's been a long time coming.

Eight Takeaways And Closing

SPEAKER_06 1:00:16

All right, y'all. Isn't Alison such a delight? I had so much fun chatting with her, even despite we were having a lot of technical issues throughout the entire interview. I had a blast with her though. And I just want to share the takeaways that we got from this episode. So number one is it's never too late to begin again. I think her story is so inspiring because in her 60s, she started to pursue her music career and she's just been really enjoying it and is here for the ride. Number two, reinvention can start in the rubble. Sometimes it takes being in a dark place to see the light and to find the new path forward. And her divorce and grief and everything she went through really showed that big transitions like that can actually be doorways to a more beautiful life ahead. Number three, if you are forcing a path, pause and listen inwardly. Listen to your heart. Make sure you take some space and some time to be quiet with yourself and process everything that you're going through. Number four, surrender is crucial to manifesting abundance. It is so important whenever you feel like you're just like beating your head against the wall to just stop and put up your hands and be like, okay, I'm done. Show me the way. And beautiful things can come from that. Number five, the morning pages and brain dumps help to quiet the noise. Oh my gosh, this has been such a beautiful routine that I've picked up in the last couple months, and I highly suggest giving it a try. Just brain dumping three pages every morning is what the artist way teaches you. Number six, authenticity is a journey. It's not a point of arrival. We are always going to be journeying through life with challenges and ups and downs. And the most important thing is to just really constantly tune into what feels right to us because that is the key to authenticity and that's a key to enjoying life. Number seven, some powerful words of freedom can be, I don't know. It's okay to not know everything, it's okay to not know where you're going and what you're doing and why you did things. Sometimes it just helps to own that and be comfortable in that because we don't have all the answers. Number eight, creativity returns when you water your roots. It's so important to take care of ourselves so that we can be creative and just so that we can hear the voice of God in our hearts or universe, whatever word choice fits you and your beliefs. Thank you so much for tuning in today. Again, my name is Amber Westerman. If you really enjoyed what you heard on today's episode, go check out some of the others. Please leave me a review on whatever platform you listen on because reviews are so important for helping boost podcasts, especially new podcasts in the algorithm. And it would just mean the world to me and I also would just really love it.