Welcome Back And A Reset

SPEAKER_02 0:05

Hey y'all, welcome back to the Authentic Heart Podcast. I am Amber Westerman, your host, and I'm so excited to share today's guest with you. His name is Jesse Garcia. He's a fellow musician, singer songwriter, incredibly talented. And I feel like anytime I am with him, he just wants to go, wants to go to the depths of everything, to the depths of your heart and of the mind. And I always have really fascinating conversations with him. So I wanted to bring him on here to have a really good deep heart-to-heart conversation and share it with you guys. And before we get started, I just wanted to share a little bit about where I'm at. I've taken about a month off of posting the episodes because I had to step back for a minute. I had a lot going on in my personal life and in my music life, and it just felt like the right decision. I am going to be moving forward, just kind of changing the structure of my episodes a little bit. It'll still be the same type of content. It'll just be a little bit easier for me on the editing side of things. It's been a little bit stressful for me to be doing all the editing and stuff on these episodes, even though I've been really enjoying recording uh really deep, beautiful conversations with these people that I know and I feel like have a lot of wisdom to share. And I get really inspired by these conversations. So I am really excited to be continuing to share them in a way that feels a lot more sustainable for me. So thank you so much for being here. I really appreciate you guys coming back every time and listening to my episodes. And so without further ado, I am going to introduce you to my good friend Jesse Garcia. So this is my friend Jesse Garcia. We do a lot of musical collaboration together, and uh we met about what, a year ago? Year and a half ago, maybe, and we've just become really good friends since. And Jesse has a very unique upbringing and unique way of thinking about life. And I really value his commitment to your authenticity. It's very inspiring to see that you like to be different and not be a sheep, you know. And uh so yeah, I'm I'm excited to have you on the podcast.

An Affirmation About Simply Being

SPEAKER_02 2:34

One of the ways that I start every episode is I draw an affirmation from my card deck just to like affirmations. I don't know if I've talked to you a lot about this, but affirmations have been a really powerful part of my we were just talking about manifesting right before this. About it's been really powerful for my manifesting journey and for helping my mind live at a higher frequency that I otherwise would with that internally. So um, if you're interested.

SPEAKER_01 3:02

And you wrote all of these affirmations.

SPEAKER_02 3:05

I did. So they're a collection of affirmations that I've just worked with over the years. So I've I've always been into affirmations and I would like write them on my mirror, have them on vision boards and stuff, and then I also about two to three years ago when I first started TikTok, I actually was doing like a daily affirmation challenge on there. And so I kind of to help me get started with this card deck, I was going through the old affirmations I posted on there and just other ones I've had in my phone and stuff.

SPEAKER_01 3:35

And cool.

SPEAKER_02 3:36

That's where it came from. And it's the one that's facing up.

SPEAKER_01 3:39

Oh, okay. Well, I'm gonna read it.

SPEAKER_02 3:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:43

Today I release the pressure to create and allow myself time to simply be.

SPEAKER_02 3:50

Does that one resonate with you at all?

SPEAKER_01 3:52

Yeah. I don't think I experience all that much pressure to create.

SPEAKER_02 3:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:58

But I think that being and creating or like to let yourself just be always leads to creation of some sort.

SPEAKER_02 4:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:06

Because like creation is sort of just doing stuff.

SPEAKER_02 4:09

Right. Well, and it and it is being. And I was kind of talking to you about this earlier, how I've been working on trying to just be more present. And it's like I've been waking up with song ideas and stuff. And I feel like for like the last year or so, I resonate with it right now because of this new journey I'm on. Because I was pushing myself to like get better vocals and get get be a better songwriter and all this stuff. And when you start pushing yourself, that's pressure, and you're forcing yourself to be something that you're not.

SPEAKER_03 4:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:39

And so it's good to grow, but also it's good to give yourself enough time to just like sit there.

SPEAKER_01 4:46

Well, it's really

Be Do Have And Mini Meditations

SPEAKER_01 4:47

important. I have a good friend who was telling me about a book he read on creativity, and I don't remember what book it was. He would. Um, but the the point of the book was that it's a three-step process, creation is, and the steps were be, do, have. And that then like we live in a society that basically is encouraging and like rewarding us for just do have, do, have, do, have. And so we forget to just be. And I guess that's what that really reminds me of is like if you can give yourself time to just be you can't just be indefinitely. Eventually, you need to do something, and then you have what you just did, and then let yourself be again. And that's like a much more sustainable way of being creative.

SPEAKER_02 5:42

Right.

SPEAKER_01 5:43

Because the do have, do have is like pressure builds up and it gets unhealthy really quickly.

SPEAKER_02 5:48

Right. Constantly having to externalize.

SPEAKER_01 5:52

Yeah, it like has push energy.

SPEAKER_02 5:53

Right. It does.

SPEAKER_01 5:54

Like bearing down on you and can feel oppressive, and then you start to like rebel against it and like fight it.

SPEAKER_02 6:02

Right. And then you feel like you just want to like sit and like numb yourself out from not like, then you feel disappointed in yourself for not doing the thing. And I know that's something I've battled with, but it reminds me of this um technique that I used to listen to. What is it? Have you ever heard of Brandon Bichard?

SPEAKER_03 6:23

Uh-uh.

SPEAKER_02 6:23

He's he's an author and like motivational speaker, and he has this meditation system that he really likes. I forget what he calls it. Um, but he, whenever he likes works with uh or he tries to help people be high achievers in life. And through like his version of being a high achiever is like kind of coming home to yourself more because you can't really be productive unless you are being enough, unless you're like feel good in yourself, right? Otherwise you're gonna burn out. And his thing is to help people get back into a state of being. He encourages people between every activity that you do, like sit by yourself and do a little one to two minute meditation to like disconnect you. Like if you're going to the gym from work, like right whenever you get out of work, meditate for two minutes in your car. And he calls it what is it? He has like an affirmation to I can't think of it, but um, and then like same from like gym to home, like do a little minute or two meditation. And I I really I that was really helpful for me for a while. I don't really do it anymore, but I like it just to help you like disconnect from the energy you were in and then reconnect to the new one.

SPEAKER_01 7:37

Yeah.

Post Show Buzz And Ego Risk

SPEAKER_01 7:38

I I I wonder if even just having the thought of knowing the value of that is helpful. Um, I I found that like last night I played the show. Last night I played a show. And and what I've been finding after performances because I come off stage feeling this sort of like buzz and this like adrenaline and like feeling power, I guess.

SPEAKER_02 8:03

It's like you're kind of in this ego mode ish ego mode-ish, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:08

And I think that when I'm on stage and I'm playing songs and I'm expressing myself as openly as I can, the ego is good. And then as soon as I get off stage and I'm not playing music anymore, but I'm just socializing, if I'm still buzzing with all of that energy, it feels like suddenly I run the risk of being dangerous. Because my relationship with playing music is a relationship to a higher power sort of energy, spiritual energy, or like trying to surrender, trying to get out of the human ego and just lose myself in the music. And then coming back to being a human, once you've sort of opened yourself up to something that's so much bigger, then I think it's really easy to make human decisions powered by an energy that's bigger than humanness.

SPEAKER_02 9:09

Right.

SPEAKER_01 9:10

And then suddenly I can start feeling like, oh man, I'm just so much better than everybody else. And it's like I don't want to be I don't want to engage with anyone if I'm feeling that, especially if it's still in the venue where I was playing. Right. Now there's like power dynamic stuff to think about. And I don't want to abuse that. I want to like I want to be in service of something big, but I don't want to like be a channel. Yeah. I just don't want to let my humanness get carried away because I just wound up being a channel for something that's bigger than humanness.

SPEAKER_02 9:47

Right. It's such a it's such a delicate dance with that, with pursuing a career as an artist. Because there's there's ego involved no matter what you do. And it just I feel like that just comes with being on stage and people becoming fans of mu your music. And yeah, I mean, we do it to musicians that we value, you know. It's just it's very interesting. And it, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:13

How how how egotistical are you? Do you feel? How does your ego come up?

SPEAKER_02 10:18

I mean, I feel like I try to stay pretty grounded to I don't I don't know, it's a it's an interesting dance. It's really, it's really interesting. But overall, I'd I try to do what I can to stay grounded and remember that like my main mission with music is is to be like a channel, like you're saying, and to not be wrapped up in that.

SPEAKER_01 10:41

I think you do that

Credit Seeking And Safety In Skill

SPEAKER_01 10:42

well. I admire your like openness to sharing and not being possessive energy. Because that's how ego manifests for me in the small ways is like wanting credit for everything.

SPEAKER_02 10:56

Right.

SPEAKER_01 10:57

And I do a lot of internal wrestling to not need credit for stuff. But what I found is my sense of safety as a human used to be linked very strongly to my skill sets. And so then being good at music was how I felt safe around people.

SPEAKER_02 11:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:21

But I also really was raised by Buddhist parents, and anytime I would feel superiority to somebody else, I would kind of punish myself for that because I wasn't supposed to feel superiority. And so I was kind of at war with myself all the time. And just recently I've sort of come out of that with um letting go of the safety that I had in music specifically, which I didn't do willingly. I did that through heartbreak and then rebuilding myself and and internal works kind of sneak up on you. You never know what the breakthrough is gonna be, but if you're like doing a lot of internal work to try and understand your fears and why you're motivated to do the things you're motivated to do, you can have these revelations. So I'm kind of in one of those phases right now. And I've been likening it to religion, but I think um like I'm not I don't I don't really identify as a religion, but I see people practicing their religion all the time, and you you can use a spiritual connection to interface with reality and kind of see ways that that's affirmed over and over, you know? You can confirm your religious biases all the time, and I was doing that with music, so I had music as like a religion, yeah, and then that brought me safety of but it came with like righteousness. I think I was playing my songs with like this is a sermon that I want you to like I'm I'm imparting wisdom on you, and you should feel this and like want to join my thing. And so now I don't have that, but I also feel then like I'm sort of lost. I don't have a I don't have the comfort of that anymore. And with the acceptance of that lack of comfort has come a truer ability to accept and embrace my gifts and what I actually have to offer. Because I'm not at I'm not coming at it from any sort of righteousness or should, and no one else should do something.

SPEAKER_02 13:49

Well, and I think that's a good place to be in is like almost like that feeling of lost because that is very human and very true. Because we are we're all lost in a way, and we as much as we'd like to say we know it's about to happen, we never know. And the more that we come into acceptance with that, I feel like the lighter life can be. So I think it's a good place to be in.

Fan Base Pressure Versus Trust

SPEAKER_02 14:17

And something you said reminded me of where I do feel like my ego sneaks in is trying to develop a fan base. That's when it sneaks in for me, is like I start if I'm not if I don't feel like where I should be with like having a fan base to help support my music career, then I start trying to figure out how I can get that and like start pushing. And that causes me to get out of my heart. And when I know that the the divine connects me with the right people, if I just stay in my zone and in my heart. I guess that's I feel like that's where the ego comes out for me the most. It's trying to push my career to be something bigger than it's meant to be in the moment.

SPEAKER_01 15:08

That's I feel that too. It's a tricky one.

SPEAKER_02 15:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:12

Because like I'm supposed to try and share with as many people as possible. I've just been letting myself take ownership since I'm in this new feeling of like not feeling safe, not feeling particularly connected to playing music the way that I used to. Now I'm able to just say I'm I have a message that's really important to me and feels really big. And that's why I want to share that message with as many people as I can. But I don't want to force it on people, I don't want to push it on people, but I do want to do that to some degree, I suppose. And I want to be famous because I think that what I'm trying to say is important. And I that's that's the what is coming through me creatively that wants to speak to as many people as possible. And then now I have the version of me, which is just my this body and the sensations of this body, that doesn't actually want to be famous at all.

SPEAKER_02 16:20

Right.

SPEAKER_01 16:21

Because I think that it would be really unpleasant to go out in the world and have to defend yourself against attention, you know? But at the moment, nobody knows who I am, so I'm in attention-seeking mode because I'm compelled by what I have to say. And there's gonna be many bridges to cross on the journey that I'm not gonna be able to predict. So I guess just gotta flow with it. Try and get as much attention as I can without uh tricking people into giving it to me.

SPEAKER_02 16:57

Right. Just letting it authentically like fall into place. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:04

Yeah.

Style As Art And Attention

SPEAKER_01 17:05

Although as I'm saying that, I'm there are ways in which I was calling it a trick. Like like I old old version of me used to call style a trick. It's like to to dress in a way that attracted attention to me felt like cheating. And like I had a whole lot of those things that now are up for debate, and I'm trying to look at them with new eyes.

SPEAKER_02 17:29

Yeah, I can see that. I feel like I kind of viewed fashion that way for a long time. And in recent years, I've gotten more into it, getting into like modeling and stuff, yeah. And even just pursuing it an artist path. And I I've learned that I actually really enjoy it, that it's kind of it's it's a whole nother creative outlet.

SPEAKER_01 17:50

It totally is. It's an art form.

SPEAKER_02 17:52

It's just like using your body as a canvas. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:56

And it's really cool. I do it with like clothes, I do it with my home, I do it with my music. You do it very well at this point. Thank you. Yeah, I but I I think that's an interesting point because I've kind of always viewed that, and sometimes I feel like um, or I used to think that too. And I I used to, I was at one point totally against makeup, against doing my hair, and like a big hippie, you know, and and there's nothing wrong with that. It was for me, it was just a phase though, of like being influenced by my surroundings. But it it's an interesting point because it is a really big part of pursuing arts professionally.

SPEAKER_01 18:33

Yeah, I think I was just bitter that I was bitter about people being different than me.

SPEAKER_02 18:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:41

I don't really pro I I never I don't listen to music with my eyes very much. And if I'm really listening to music, I close my eyes.

SPEAKER_02 18:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:52

And then there and then I was like, I was all salty at the artists that gave your eyes something really enticing and interesting to look at. And then whenever I liked the music, I probably thought they were cool. And when I didn't like the music, I thought they were cheating. I thought I would like strengthen my biases with that. So I have to look at that now. I'm like curious about it.

SPEAKER_02 19:20

It's a really interesting thought.

SPEAKER_01 19:22

I'm curious about it. I mean, I I style myself to be to get attention. I still do.

SPEAKER_02 19:28

Yeah, you've got a great style. It's unique.

SPEAKER_01 19:31

Yeah.

Letting Go Of Hair And Guitar

SPEAKER_02 19:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:32

I've got a big thing coming up though. I don't know when it's coming. What's your thing? It feels like within the next year I need to shave my head.

SPEAKER_02 19:40

Oh wow, that's a big thing. What what inspires this?

SPEAKER_01 19:45

I uh there's another big thing, which is that also I'm planning to give this guitar away. Find some way to give this guitar away.

SPEAKER_02 19:55

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_01 19:55

Because this is like, it has to do with letting go of uh attachments. Like I'm attached to my hair, and it but it's like holding so much of my past that I feel like I need to let go of. And then my guitar, there's a do you know David Cho? He's an artist in LA. I really like him. Very, very cool person. But he said something in a video I was watching basically the wand doesn't make the wizard sort of vibe. And he just said, give away your most prized possession to show yourself that it doesn't make you who you are. And and this this guitar is my most prized instrument that has been my best friend for you know over a decade.

SPEAKER_04 20:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:48

And then I love the idea of being able to like use that to build some sort of momentum around the the music scene that I want to be part of, and like I could have a songwriting competition and have this as the prize or something like that.

SPEAKER_02 21:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:06

Um, so though anyways, the hair thing though is like kind of attached to letting go, and I've lost the thread for how it came up, but yeah, that's my big thing that that's interesting.

SPEAKER_02 21:20

That's pretty it makes me think of a conversation that we had recently at a song circle about you wanting to get a tattoo.

SPEAKER_01 21:27

I still feel like that's a lot of people.

SPEAKER_02 21:28

How would you feel about that though? What if it comes to like a time where you want to detach from the phase of your life that brought you the tattoo? Because that is that is a serious attachment.

SPEAKER_01 21:41

Yeah, it's true. It's true, but it's like it feels less to me, a tat the tattoo my interest in tattoos right now is like linked to fashion than it's like a way of choosing a style. That can represent on my skin that's like permanent.

SPEAKER_04 22:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:03

And I'm interested in that. I think there's something, there's a whole bunch of enticing things that are of interest about that. I think that I would like to not. I've always kind of been a purist. And there's a way in which I'm detaching from that. And like it feels like it represents impermanence. That like this body is not gonna last forever. And to like try and cling to it a certain way and like not play with it. It's almost like a form of play that I feel a very strong aversion to. And I've always been someone that when I notice I have an aversion to something that makes me lean into it more. Because I don't I think aversions are essentially fear-based at the bottom of them. And I've been trying to unpack my fears because I thought that I could solve fear. Which of course I've learned at this point. I don't think that's that's just not how it works.

SPEAKER_02 23:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:07

But but it feels intentional. It's not like um, I guess my hair feels slightly different because I'm not intentionally growing my hair. It's just kind of there.

SPEAKER_02 23:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:17

And I have vanity attached to my hair. But then also I, yeah, I don't know. I want to swim also. I'm just such a prima donna with my hair. I don't do stuff because my hair gets wet and there's so much of it, and it's in my way all the time.

SPEAKER_02 23:35

Phil battles with that too. He's talked so many times about I'm attached to his hair. Yeah. And I'm like, no, you cannot cut it. He's like, I just want to cut it all off. It's so annoying. That's why he wears it in a bun all the time.

SPEAKER_01 23:46

Yeah, same. Yeah, and I wear it down sometimes. And but then also there's another, like, some part of me that's rebellious. There's so many musicians in Austin that have long hair, men that have long hair. And then I'll be in some environment where everybody's got long hair, and I'm like, I don't want I'm like just like these guys. I don't want to be like these guys, I want to be different. So I have there's a whole bunch of factors, some that I feel good about and some that I feel sort of sheepish about.

SPEAKER_02 24:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:16

But well letting go of attachment is an interesting thing that I'm yeah, that is interesting.

SPEAKER_02 24:22

It's interesting to me to hear you say that about your guitar too, because I know how much you love that guitar. And I can't imagine you letting go of it.

Hearing As Identity And Gratitude

SPEAKER_02 24:31

But I I understand, I understand though, because I feel like that's something that I experienced with my voice issues that I dealt with last year, uh, like developing vocal nodules and then also like being like it being attached to my identity of like being a singer, and I couldn't sing for five weeks, and it just felt like not me. And then I also like two years ago or something, Phil and I did this like mushroom ceremony and I had this really crazy experience where I don't know if I've told you about this, where I had like, I was like laying there and all of a sudden I saw this like bright white light. Did I ever tell you about this?

SPEAKER_03 25:17

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 25:18

So I was laying and my friend was facilitating, and I was just laying with my eyes closed, and she was like doing Reiki on us, and I saw this like bright white light coming in from like this side of my face and through my ear on this side through my left ear. And it just like slowly got brighter and brighter and brighter, and it like opened up my hearing on the side of my ear, and over here it was completely dark, and I bursted this eardrum several times uh from being exposed to mold. And I was like asking the white light in this experience to like cleanse this side and to like transfer over here too, and it eventually did. And I had like super hearing that night. It was so weird. I remember getting up to go to the bathroom and just like like wiping my hands on the cloth and like turning the thing. Like I was so I became so appreciative for hearing every little sound, even like annoying sounds. She lived on Rainy Street, like from the city outside. I I like started bawling that night because I felt like my experience made me realize that I attach my identity to being a musician and a singer-songwriter and to sound. Like sound is part of my identity and I don't know who I would be without it. And uh it made me realize that like I might not have my hearing forever, like the way that I do, because I've had so much damage in this ear. And it's just and it's like it's so easy to get so annoyed with sounds, but it's such a gift to have that. And that was kind of, I guess, like an attachment that I realized with my identity that night.

SPEAKER_01 27:08

Yeah, yeah. I I mean, I really I I find a lot of sounds to be abrasive, yeah, challenging.

SPEAKER_02 27:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:15

But I also very much want to be able to hear for as long as possible.

SPEAKER_02 27:19

Right. Can you imagine being? I mean, I know there's musician like deaf musicians, but um it's just yeah, it's it's very interesting. But so I'd love for you to share a little bit about your background, if

Jesse’s Origin Story And Growing Up

SPEAKER_02 27:35

you don't mind.

SPEAKER_01 27:35

Like the the lore of Jesse.

SPEAKER_02 27:38

The lore of Jesse. Yeah. Where do you come from? Who are you?

SPEAKER_01 27:42

I I grew up in Santa Fe, New Mexico, and I was born in Seoul, Korea. When I was five and a half months old, I was adopted. And my mom was non-denominationally Jewish when she in Virginia. My dad was raised Catholic in New Mexico.

SPEAKER_02 27:59

Your adopted parents?

SPEAKER_01 28:00

Yeah. And then they both became Buddhist and met in Boulder, Colorado, I think. And adopted four kids, and I'm the oldest of the four. And then I grew up in Santa Fe, New Mexico, from when I was one. I'm a kindergarten dropout. Uh and yeah, so I was homeschooled in a pretty relaxed way. And um just kind of took to music really young. Like that was that was a safe space for me from the very beginning, and I was always sounding out things by ear. There was some recording on a cassette tape that is long gone at this point of me and my mom singing a Christmas carol. And my mom was not in tune but knew the words, and I was in tune and didn't know the words. And I think I was like one and a half or something.

SPEAKER_02 28:54

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_01 28:55

So I've always been I've always had really good coordination and like seeing things and then trying them, I was kind of always able to do them. And that just led one thing led to the next. But I was also a really fearful, really shy kid. Probably very like I identify at this point as being ADHD and autistic to some degree, and I'm not I'm not diagnosed by any professional out there, and I don't respect them anyway, most of the time. So, you know, they could give me a diagnosis, and I would I would think that they were full of shit, probably. Um Yeah. So I I just got to grow up out in the country with building forts and climbing trees and watching water beetles in the creek, and we had goats and chickens and gardens, and you know, that that was life for me. So I feel like it's taken a long time to be as comfortable as I am currently in society. And I had carried a lot of really big insecurities through my teen years and into my early 20s because I just felt like everyone else was in school, everybody else was normal, and I was not normal. So I think I desperately wanted to be normal and spent all of my talents trying to fit in and be accepted and be liked. And I think I was pretty successful at being liked by pretty much everybody except myself.

SPEAKER_02 30:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:32

Isn't it funny how that happens?

SPEAKER_01 30:34

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:36

Yeah. And then learning to like myself is not easy.

SPEAKER_02 30:39

Right. So I I feel like we all kind of battle with that to a degree. I know that that's like a journey that I've been on too.

unknown 30:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:48

I'm constantly criticizing myself. I've gotten better and better, but it's hard because we see all of our own flaws and imperfections and forget that we're just human, and that's part of the experience.

Meditation And Self Awareness Lessons

SPEAKER_01 31:03

I also think we don't see our flaws. Like we we definitely see the ones that no one else can see, and that's definitely true. But then there are ones that we can't see that other people can see. And I think that we don't live, we haven't we haven't gotten very good at this. Is why meditation is important, because if you can learn to sit with your triggers and like not be overly defensive and like be open to somebody else saying something and learning from them, right? Then people can show you things about yourself that you didn't see, which can be extremely frightening and extremely painful at times, especially when it's shared with you in a way that doesn't feel kind.

SPEAKER_02 31:45

Right.

SPEAKER_01 31:46

But but yeah, I think I thought that I was getting away with all sorts of stuff when I was a teenager. That then I came to realize at a certain point I wasn't getting away with any of it.

SPEAKER_04 31:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:58

People people saw right through what I was doing, and I was just fooling myself.

SPEAKER_02 32:02

Right. So interesting. Yeah, I'm I'm a really big fan of meditation too, for that self-awareness. I feel like growing up, I had really zero self-awareness. And I knew, like I knew that I was hard on myself. I knew that I felt like I didn't fit in growing up either, even though I was in school and everything. I just constantly felt out of place. And when I was first introduced to meditation, I like remember sitting there and being like, I don't understand this. Like, and not, and then I whenever I went to Iowa to the university, I went to in Iowa, I learned transcendental meditation. That was where I learned that you can actually like really truly step outside of your thoughts and see yourself from an outsider perspective and realize that like that was the first time I realized that like I am not the things I'm thinking because I grew up thinking and believing all of my thoughts.

SPEAKER_01 33:02

And uh, how did you first how what was your first meditation experience? How did you wind up being introduced to meditation? That was here in Texas.

SPEAKER_02 33:12

Um, yeah. The first time I really remember meditating was whenever I lived in San Marcus uh in my apartment. I think it was through Gabby Bernstein, the lady that I'm doing a retreat with later on in the year that I told you about. Yeah. She, I think I I saw something of hers online, and I was like, oh, this is really interesting. And I'm into what she's saying. I'm curious about it. And she is a meditation teacher and teaches a course in miracles. And that was kind of my first step into my own spiritual journey. And she, I would do her guided meditations, and then my friend, I kind of befriended some other wellness-minded people through an MLM that I got connected with and um MLM, uh multi-level marketing company like supplements and stuff.

SPEAKER_03 34:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:06

And my friend was like, hey, I'm doing this 21-day meditation program with it's like Depox thing that he does.

SPEAKER_03 34:15

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 34:16

And that was my second introduction to getting into it. And it was more mantra-based things, which made more sense because it, you know, I had something to focus on.

SPEAKER_03 34:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:25

But my like real, I feel like connection to it started when I lived in Iowa when I was introduced to transcendental meditation. That was the first time I was ever able to like consistently meditate daily. And it was 20 minutes twice a day. And then at that school, we would also meditate like a 10-minute meditation before lunch. So it was it was pretty impactful. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:48

My dad meditated every day growing up. I don't know if he still meditates every day, but he wouldn't surprise me if he does.

SPEAKER_02 34:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:56

And I that was just always around. So I think I always was just aware of it.

SPEAKER_02 35:01

Right.

SPEAKER_01 35:02

I I would really greatly benefit from actual daily meditation. And I've gone through phases where I was doing that more and it was really helpful. But I'm not really doing that at the moment.

SPEAKER_02 35:16

It can be challenged. I feel like I've noticed in the city life it's really challenging. Uh being, I don't know, around so much go-go-ness.

SPEAKER_01 35:27

Yeah. I think I I think I meditate, I I step into a sort of meditative state in rebellion to the go-go-go-ness in certain situations.

SPEAKER_02 35:37

Well, and that's what music is too, as an artist.

SPEAKER_01 35:41

That is kind of what music is too. It's like a trance.

SPEAKER_02 35:44

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 35:45

That that transports you away from transports you away from.

SPEAKER_02 35:49

It transcends everything that all the chaos that you Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:54

I'm just linking trance and transcend or transport together. I don't know if they're linked, but I like it.

SPEAKER_02 36:01

Kind of, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:02

Yeah. Yeah, I sort of do that. Like there's like a willful calmness and non-reactivity that I like to be in in environments that are extra excited. And I think that's me like using more meditative energy as a tool to try and like get you in. Yeah, it helps me deal with more chaotic environments that are especially loud ones that are upsetting to my nervous system.

SPEAKER_02 36:35

Same, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:36

And then also I feel like every oftentimes people get sucked into this escalatory energy where everyone's like they're happy, they're but they're also trying to like out-shout each other in a conversation. And I I I think I'm like trying to what's my metaphor? That like I'm the person on the trampoline with rubber knees that's trying to keep everyone from jumping quite so aggressively.

SPEAKER_02 37:08

Right.

SPEAKER_01 37:09

And I'm just trying to absorb some of that spiky energy.

SPEAKER_02 37:13

Right.

Stepping Into Conflict To Diffuse

SPEAKER_01 37:14

Because I feel like it it can turn into a frenzy that can get aimed at things in a moment that can become damaging.

SPEAKER_02 37:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:24

But it's also the same energy can be used for things that are healing.

SPEAKER_02 37:29

Right.

SPEAKER_01 37:30

But I'm I feel like I'm there to try and keep it from getting damaging.

SPEAKER_02 37:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:35

And I always stick myself in the middle of any sort of altercation because I feel like I have an energy that can absorb some of that. So if there's about to be a You want to absorb some of that? I want to diffuse it.

SPEAKER_02 37:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:49

I guess I don't really want to absorb it in the I want to take it on.

SPEAKER_02 37:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:53

But in in like environments where I've encountered a fight that's happening in the street, then I do want to absorb that. I feel like uh it's an important role that I put myself in on purpose and and it like lights me up, kind of.

SPEAKER_02 38:12

To like, what do you mean by absorb like a fight in the street?

SPEAKER_01 38:17

To try and be a voice of calm that's not um yelling at either party, right? But is instead just like I'll just poke myself right in between two people and just kind of have the energy of like, who are you? Who are you? What's going on here? Why, why is this?

SPEAKER_02 38:35

You're really good at that. Yeah, that's definitely something I value. It makes me think of the time that we were at the bar over here near my house.

SPEAKER_01 38:44

And that guy kissed my hand.

SPEAKER_02 38:46

He did kiss your hand.

SPEAKER_01 38:47

That was so strange.

SPEAKER_02 38:48

Yeah, this guy was like getting in my face and really he was drunk and just getting way too close.

SPEAKER_01 38:56

And I just included myself in the conversation to try and like a little bit, and I triggered him. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:04

That was uh in the need to kiss your hand.

SPEAKER_01 39:07

It was an aggressive power move.

SPEAKER_02 39:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:11

So that's a I don't know, that's a long story.

SPEAKER_02 39:13

Yeah, that was that was really interesting.

SPEAKER_01 39:16

It apologies to everybody out there because you're like missing context, and I don't know if we're gonna film you.

SPEAKER_02 39:22

I know. Uh, but yeah, you're I feel like you're really good at inserting yourself into it. Seems like you like you do like inserting yourselves into uh combative situations because you are able to maneuver it from a grounded space and like help people.

SPEAKER_01 39:43

I was just talking to a friend of mine who I think is just really peaceful energy at his core.

Fear Anger And Choosing Restraint

SPEAKER_01 39:49

And what I know about myself because of the traumas of adoption and whatever else it was, it doesn't even matter if that's what it was. I just know this about myself that I have um fear at the core of me, which doesn't which manifests as like violent energy, like anger, which I've learned to channel into sadness more and contemplation. But in the core of my being, that's like the foundation that I'm on. I'm like I think I am not peaceful, flowy at the core of me. I'm like spiky and sharp and cutting. And then because of the way that I was raised, I have this really strong determination to not spread that type of energy into the world. And so I think that's why I'm drawn to those environments, though, is like the amount of fantasies that I've had when I've been lashing out in my mind. Um when I see something like it being acted out, I'm like a moth to a flame. I go straight there. But because I understand it so well in myself, that makes sense, and my determination is to be an example of I know what this is, and you cannot do it. You know, it just feels like it's my cosmic job to go do that. Interesting, and it's like what I'm meant to do somehow.

SPEAKER_02 41:19

I can see that. It's interesting, and it's probably a way for internally from your depths to like release that energy of yourself.

SPEAKER_01 41:27

Yeah, yeah. Because there's always it's like it's exciting. I find it really exciting. Other people, I think, find it upsetting, you know, or frightening.

SPEAKER_04 41:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:38

And for me, it's like it's not. I find other things frightening, but I don't find that

Embarrassment And The Need To Impress

SPEAKER_01 41:43

very frightening.

SPEAKER_02 41:43

What do you find frightening?

SPEAKER_01 41:45

Like, I think I find embarrassment much more frightening than violence. If I'm in a situation where it's like socially I might embarrass myself, I've I've spent a huge amount of time trying not to be embarrassed.

SPEAKER_02 41:59

How do you how do you embarrass yourself? Can you share? Like what what's what's I can't I mean I can imagine it, but I'm just curious at like what embarrasses you. Just knowing who you are.

SPEAKER_01 42:15

Well, like if I'm I'm flashing back to an embarrassing thing that I can still climb back inside of and just like cringe really hard.

SPEAKER_02 42:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:25

And there was a I think it was like a never have I ever game. And I was in like a new environment with a bunch of other kids that I didn't know very well, and I wanted to impress everybody, right? And I wanted them to like me, and I wanted to impress them. And and it was like a music thing where I already had recognition for being a really good Marimba player. And then this never have I ever game was not a game I'd ever played before. And so I was trying to figure out how to win this game, how to be better at this game than other people. I wanted to be impressive at this game, and I wound up in the middle being the never have I ever person and and like did exactly the wrong thing to try and be good at the game while in the focal point of everybody's attention, and then I just felt this like humiliation and like embarrassment and and like recorded it in my emotions really deeply as like, you know, never feel that feeling, ever.

SPEAKER_02 43:43

I see what you mean. It's almost like uh, and I feel like I relate to and it's it's a way that I uh embarrass myself as well, is like when you put yourself in a situation where like your ego does come out and you're like, I'm I'm gonna do things this way so that I can stand out. It's like trying to stand out. And then I feel like for me at least, almost every time that I try to do that, the universe is just like, oh well, guess what? I'm gonna kick you right out of that.

SPEAKER_01 44:18

I I think I needed more of that.

SPEAKER_02 44:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:20

I feel like I've I've I've I gotten I've gotten away, I haven't gotten at a certain point I I had enough of those experiences that I started understanding how to avoid them.

SPEAKER_02 44:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:34

And and had enough things that I was good at and good at getting validation for that I basically didn't do anything that I could be bad at for most of my life. And now when I think about trying to do something I'm bad at, I don't really I it still makes me very uncomfortable, but I also don't really know what that is anymore.

SPEAKER_02 44:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:55

Because what I've been working on is like trying to understand what life is. Which feels like I've I've I feel pretty stable about what it is to be alive, and I'm definitely not happy, but I'm not unhappy. I think I'm like not suffering very much these days, but I am feeling the pain of life.

Social Anxiety And Two Stepping

SPEAKER_01 45:18

So it's like, I don't know, like I still feel awkward and uncomfortable with like social dancing, like being here in Texas and like going and learning to two-step.

SPEAKER_02 45:30

Have you learned how to two-step?

SPEAKER_01 45:32

No, I haven't. But but it's like I'm practicing all the things that I need to do in order to enjoy two-stepping already. And I've watched two-stepping, and nothing about it is all that complicated. And the thing that is still overwhelming to me is the social aspect, not the dancing. Like I'm in this body that has never had any trouble doing anything.

SPEAKER_02 45:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:58

Like I I see a thing and it's like my body can just kind of do it fairly quickly. And I'm really good at muscle memory stuff. So it's like I know how to move with balance and coordination. So for me, two-stepping, the challenge there is social.

SPEAKER_02 46:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:15

Not the dancing itself. And so then to just go, but I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it. I'm like avoiding it. It's also so loud, and the music is so boring, and the moves are like just depends.

SPEAKER_02 46:28

Depends where you are. Uh I guess the band too. And yeah, I feel that though. I used to love to go two-stepping, but I will say the social aspect of it too, I didn't love. And I would almost always just do it with my best friend who is another female, and we would just do our own two-stepping dance together because we know each other and we didn't want to be hit on. And we just wanted to have fun.

SPEAKER_01 46:53

I that's that's a good thing. I mean, that I'm always afraid of like someone thinking I'm hitting on them when I'm not hitting on them.

SPEAKER_04 47:02

Right.

SPEAKER_01 47:03

And I think that's a real loud, uncomfortable thing for me about social situations like that.

SPEAKER_02 47:10

Well, I feel like if somebody does and it's not an intention of yourself, well, but it also is an intention of mine, always kind of.

SPEAKER_01 47:19

Like I can't escape from my biological. Well, my my biology is like part of my experience of what's happening.

SPEAKER_02 47:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:29

And my mind is there too. So I'm just always at always feeling the conflict. I'm not really able to feel one side of a spectrum and just lose myself in it very easily. Takes me a long time.

SPEAKER_02 47:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:48

Which interesting. I'm grateful for and it's also gonna, you know, the bane of my existence as well.

SPEAKER_02 47:54

Yeah. Yeah.

Art As Being Yourself Out Loud

SPEAKER_02 47:56

Well, I I'd like to circle back around to something you said earlier.

SPEAKER_04 48:00

Please.

SPEAKER_02 48:01

Because I feel like I really relate to you on like your musical journey. Um, we have very similar desires in this industry. And earlier you were talking about, like in the beginning, you were talking about how you have a message that you want to like relay with your music without being trying to be forceful. What like I'd love to just share with my followers what is your music pursuits? Like, what is your message, and who are you as an artist?

SPEAKER_01 48:42

That's a that's a deep question.

Music Mission And Culture As Organism

SPEAKER_01 48:44

I think that most people are moving well, all of us are part of a species, right? So we're all individuals that are at the center of our universe and our reality, and then all added together, we are a species or a city or a country. And I think that becomes culture, right? So there's like the individual that is then part of culture. And so my mission as an artist is to try to communicate the way that I see culture as a life form and an entity that is not reality, it is a life form. And the reality of all of the everything on the planet that is alive all together. That to me is what I would call God energy or spirituality or energy stuff. It's the vibrations of everything on the entire planet, perhaps universe, collectively being alive and and like growing and changing. It's everything expanding and contracting in all directions. So then zoom back into like a culture, which is a value system. It has value systems and it has belief and it has trust and different things that we trust where we feel safe, where we don't feel safe. And so, as a zooming in even further to me, I feel all of that complexity in myself as a person, and then with my life circumstances, I find songs that I write that represent my value system, sort of. And so I'm I'm trying to be a unique uh expression of something that could be that I believe is healing and helpful and a new path forward. And so I'm basically trying to influence culture because I think that individuals, every individual I've talked to one-on-one, we're on the same page because we're both human beings feeling human being sensations. And they're colored in by, you know, you grew up in Texas and I grew up in New Mexico, and so we have different regional flares, you know.

SPEAKER_04 51:25

Cultural influence.

SPEAKER_01 51:26

But our emotions and our sensitivities and what it is to have this particular body and the human consciousness is all the same. So I feel like when I talk one-on-one with people, I get along with them almost without fail. But then I grew up outside of the school system. So I've watched the ways that friends of mine would be talking to me about something, and we'd be on the same page, and then suddenly we're in a group environment, and everyone suddenly is acting like a like a herd.

SPEAKER_04 52:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 52:04

And moving in different directions as a group. And we do beautiful things with that group energy, and we do destructive things with that group energy. And we're never gonna not do both of those things with that group energy. That's what we are. We're a species that is like trying to move. So within like life, if we think of our species as like some spores in a petri dish, those spores are all gonna spread out and branch out and try to find their way out of that petri dish. That's what life does, it's like trying to get it grow. And I I think that that's who I feel like I am as a human and as an artist, therefore, that I I have a a slightly different way of processing what's going on on this planet that seems to work, right? Because there's plenty of those spores that don't find anywhere, and then they run out of resources and they just die.

SPEAKER_02 53:15

Right.

SPEAKER_01 53:16

So I'm just part of a species, and I feel like I found a new-ish way of going that feels like it'll work, and I feel like it has the potential to lead to less unnecessary suffering for the species. So it really is at that scale that I'm sort of thinking about why I'm doing what I'm doing. Because it I think it takes that much of a vision for me to be willing to put myself through the pain of being seen and being willing to try and think out loud and being willing to put myself out there for better or for worse. Yeah. You know? And I hope that well, now now I really trust that I have good friends that if I wind up doing things that are sort of toxic as I search for to spread the word of my value systems and the things that I'm find important. Um, like I don't want to wind up being a cult leader and I think I have really good friends that will keep me from corrupting.

SPEAKER_04 54:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 54:30

So then it's like it's just time to turn up the volume on who I am and see where the limits are.

SPEAKER_02 54:38

Yeah. I feel like that's one of the most important things that anyone who is trying to be seen like an artist is, uh, an actor, like anybody who's trying to be in a public eye. I feel like that's one of the most important things you can do is really truly learn how to be you out loud, because I feel like that is one of the things that is not normal in our culture. Like it's normal for people in the public eye, but it's not normal. And it's kind of not normal in the public eye either, because people like the industry paints a pretty picture and creates a certain image of people once they get to a certain level. But a lot of people aren't accepting of themselves. And I I mean, I you know, speak for myself too in that. And I feel like the more we can learn to be ourselves out loud and receive attention, receive being appreciated, it gives permission to other people to be able to do that too. And I think that's beautiful work, and I I feel like that's one of the most healing things that like we can do for ourselves is learn how to be ourselves out loud without caring about the judgments of those around us and without caring if we make a fool of ourselves.

unknown 56:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 56:10

Just being okay with being ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 56:11

Yeah, yeah. And then hope and like that just metaphorically feels like what the seed that manages to bust through the sidewalk is doing.

SPEAKER_02 56:19

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:20

You know? Which now I'm of course thinking about how many seeds die under the sidewalk because they never found the way out.

SPEAKER_02 56:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:28

Well, but they're not dead, they're just down there waiting for water and the sidewalk to go away. Hibernation. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 56:34

Yeah, it's true. So if you had, if you could pick one of your songs that kind of like uh brings that message of who you are as an artist together, what song would that be?

SPEAKER_01 56:51

I can't pick one because I have some songs that are like a little spicier where I'm like poking at stuff.

SPEAKER_02 56:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:59

And then I have other songs that are a little more like peaceful and meditative that are talking about the beauty of things. And so um, I don't have I don't have the songs in my mind, but basically I would want to p have a song that was like one of my pokiest songs and a song that was one of my most like peaceful songs.

SPEAKER_02 57:19

I mean, that makes sense because that's kind of like the ebb and flow of life, right?

SPEAKER_01 57:22

There's constantly the like the peace and then the irritation piece in the pick just one, it would be on the spicier side rather than the peaceful side because I see that. That's more that's more my flavor.

SPEAKER_02 57:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 57:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 57:37

Do you would you be interested in sharing a spicy song?

SPEAKER_01 57:40

Sure, potentially. Let's just see what the guitar says, also.

SPEAKER_02 57:44

Yeah.

Death Narratives And Nature Is Natural

SPEAKER_01 57:45

I guess I'm gonna try and play nature is natural, which to me means that like I I have no interest in listening to anyone blame any other human for things that humans are doing. I really think that that a mass shooting is the same as a hurricane. It's just a sequence of events that build in crest up to a spike of something happening.

SPEAKER_02 58:16

It's part of the life cycle, like the life cycle is is like growth, flourishing, death, rebirth.

SPEAKER_04 58:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 58:29

It's that's just like the life cycle and it manifests in many forms. I totally agree with that.

SPEAKER_01 58:35

And at the time scale of a species evolving, when a species finds a path that is uh that didn't work, you know, makes a mistake, so shall we say that equals death for humans and other life forms, which uh if you're one of those life forms or your loved ones are one of those life forms, you're going to perceive as a very deep pain, and then your mind will want to tell look for something to blame. And if it finds it blame in a human, then you will want to seek some sort of retaliation. And I'm sick of that. I think that that doesn't make any sense.

SPEAKER_02 59:19

Right.

SPEAKER_01 59:19

That's not what's actually happening, by my estimation of what's going on.

SPEAKER_02 59:24

Right.

SPEAKER_01 59:24

That that what we need to do is support each other in death. Right. Because if we can learn to die.

SPEAKER_02 59:31

What do I mean by support each other in death?

SPEAKER_01 59:33

Like just learn learn that dying is not a bad thing.

SPEAKER_02 59:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 59:37

Dying is a thing that will happen to every single one of us.

SPEAKER_02 59:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 59:41

And if we create right and wrong and we say that death is wrong, I think we live worse and worse lives.

SPEAKER_02 59:47

Yeah. So well, so like in that, like curious, I'm I'm curious of your answer because like you just mentioned like uh supporting death, and then mentioned how like a mass shooting is equivalent to a hurricane. But you're not saying like you don't like support a mass shooting, but you know that it's just a thing that's happening. Is that kind of what you're like, it's it's like a natural occurrence.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:17

It's a natural occurrence that was tragic.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:21

Right.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:21

The same way that a hurricane that comes in and floods people and a bunch of people die is tragic. And then you can also have things like like um mass protests that actually bring about change. And like that's the same energy also.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:40

Right.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:40

It's a wave that's building, and and it's like constantly for us to to try and be aware of the energies that are bigger than us, yeah, that are built out of our um intentions and our beliefs and what we who we choose to trust, how much we choose to trust. That that's what I think each individual can do to make the world better is to be able to more carefully choose what types of energies we're feeding and what types of energies we're not feeding.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:15

I completely agree.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:16

Yeah. You can't.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:18

And I feel like to a part, like sorry, uh sorry, you'll play in a second. But I feel like a part, I love that song title because it it's like making me think of certain things that are part of my belief system. And part of my belief system is like I believe the earth or I I see the earth as like a cell, like a living single organism, and we're part of the little atoms of the earth, you know, and it's the earth is constantly trying to balance itself out energetically. And so that energy is manifested in several forms, and part of being in this reality is that there is a contrast to everything that happens. There is light and there's dark. You cannot see light without dark, and you cannot see dark without light.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:14

And so it's it's always an even blend, and it all just is. It just is what it is.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:21

Right.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:22

And uh, I mean, we all like desire to be more part of the light, right? Like we all are fighting for something that we leave love, even whenever we're doing something bad. But uh it's just a constant like contrast that the earth is trying to balance itself out with, and that happens with like the global warming and like all of it. Like, I've I that's how I see it is like it's all just something that this thing that we can't control is balancing.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:54

Yeah. I I like just I like rupture and repair as two ways of looking at what's happening, and that rupture or being like fighting things, destruction, you know, to break something apart is like an act of destruction.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:12

Right.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:13

But it's also a way of deconstruction where you can learn about things and put pieces back together. But I was I was just saying that because why? Because I used to think that when I would see something that I felt was destructive, I would want to fight it. And I say that in this song. I used to I tried to fight the world to save it, is a line in the song I'm about to play. But what I've come to realize at this point is that you can't fight fighting without escalating the fighting.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:48

And so the only option that you have is to not is to offer something else. Right? You can't stop something from happening. You can only offer something else.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:02

Right.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:03

And and if you try to I mean, I mean that there's that's arguable, but for the sake of simplicity, it feels like what I'm choosing to do with my life is to offer my perspective and my songs as an alternative way to look at things. Where I feel like life and death go hand in hand. Always will, always have. And there's no I don't believe there's really any right or wrong way to die. There are ways that are more or less painful.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:42

And and being able to hold pain without attaching a narrative to it is to be able to suffer less. You know? Your ne our narratives and the things we tell ourselves in our heads are what suffering is.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:58

The mind is one of the most painful things that we face in life, I feel like. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:04

Yeah.

Live Performance Of Nature Is Natural

SPEAKER_01 1:05:05

All right.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:05

So the song is called Nature is Natural Dage. Barely alive, it's barely alive. We are doing okay. Wanna be kind. You're different than me, though. I can pretend that you are doing okay. Another day, another species throws a tantrum. Another day, another culture we can ransom. Another day, another natural disaster. Nature's natural, human nature's natural. Another day, another culture we can ransom. Another day, another natural disaster. Nature is natural, human nature is natural. I wish it wasn't, but the pattern is a cycle. I tried to fight the world to save it. That was my goal. It didn't work out, it didn't work out. And now it's just me. Look at me, pretending that I'm doing okay. When I'm in pain, I try to shake it like a wet dog, sharing it, caring. So I suffer like a good cog. We spread it around, we spread it around. We wanna believe this isn't pretend. God, am I doing okay? Another day, another species throws a tantrum. Another day, another culture we can ransom. Another day, another natural disaster. Nature is natural, human nature is natural. Another day, another species throws a tantrum. Another day, another culture we can ransom. Another day, another natural disaster. Nature is natural, human nature is natural.

Thanks And Listener Review Request

SPEAKER_02 1:08:36

He is such a deep person, and I am so nourished by every conversation that I have with him. We do a lot of duo work together and uh as far as music goes, and it's it's just been really fun getting to know him over the last like year and a half or so since I met him. Anyways, thank you so much for tuning in today. This is the Authentic Heart Podcast. If you really enjoyed this episode or any others that you've listened to, I would be so incredibly grateful if you left a review on whatever platform you listen on. It just means world and it really helps boost new podcasts like myself. And you can always find me on socials or sign up for my email list to hear about any happenings going on with me, my podcast, my music, and whatnot. Thank you so much for being here. I'm Amber Westerman, your host, and this is the Authentic Party Podcast. Y'all have a great day.